


The One With All The Jokes

by MidgardianMenace



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 00:47:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14508834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianMenace/pseuds/MidgardianMenace
Summary: “seen Sammy?”“no, somehow I wound up saving the old man” I replied aggravated, following himHe pressed his back to the wall, holding his gun to his chest, as we came up to a corner then glared at me “watch it princess” then he checked around the corner“I am” I shot back following him “I’m watchin your ass so you don’t get killed”





	The One With All The Jokes

 

I had been in the car for 4 hours when I crossed the border into Ohio. Hopefully it wouldn’t take me too much longer to get where I was going. I had gotten in the car almost immediately after I got off the phone with Steve. Steve Fletcher, a good friend and amazing hunter. He knew what he was doing, he knew  _all_  the lore, but what made him truly great was that he knew when he needed help. He had called me about a giant vamp nest in the rural of Ohio. Said he’d called in a few people to help out, but wanted me to come as well. So here I was, doin 80 in my old Jeep, pushing it to the max. Steve called me pretty often, but he knew I would say no most of the time. I knew how to hunt, yes, but I had a real life too. I went to college, got a job, I have a fairly stable, fairly normal life. If I hear of anything going on in the city I definitely check it out, but otherwise I lay pretty low. However, this wasn’t very far, and he sounded like he really needed the help. I pulled down an old dirt road, following the directions he’d given me, and spent about half an hour on that before I approached a very large, old house. I parked my car a little ways down the road with the others and got out approaching a group standing about 200 feet back, behind some trees. 

“Hey kid, there you are” Steve engulfed me in his arms

“Hey bud” I laughed “what’s goin on?”

“Well” he looked back to the house “we’re still not really sure how many of them there are, upwards of 15. So we sent in some guys, 4 to be exact, but they went radio silent about 10 minuets ago. If we don’t hear from th-“

He was cut off by the sound of a gun shot. I, along with the others, immediately took off towards the house, pulling our guns. Once up on the front porch signals were made and jobs were dictated silently. There were only 6 of us and it was a huge house, so we spread out individually to cover as much ground as we could, faster. We opened the front door and cleared the entry then split up going all different directions. I headed towards the back of the house on the main level. The hallways were narrow and covered in deep red faded baroque wallpaper. I quickly scanned out four doors and two open archways total in the hall. I quietly opened the first door but immediately halted my movements when I heard voices. Best I could tell they were coming from the second room on the left. I, extremely quietly, continued to open the door I was standing in and looked into the room. It was a small study, full of dated furniture and dusty books, but otherwise empty. As I left I headed across the hall to the opposite door. Inside was what looked like a nursery. Toys on the floor, bright, but faded walls, a small tea party set up with some dolls...it was freakin creepy. Why is it that there are always nursery’s in these creepy old houses. I shivered then heard the voices again. Stepping back into the hall I pressed my back against the wall and moved slowly towards the noise. I stopped just next to the door frame. 

“It’s a real shame” a woman’s voice, heavy with a southern drawl, spoke “you’re awfully cute” I heard the taping of her footsteps away from the doorway “you sure you don’t just wanna be with me?”

I pointed my gun and slipped around the corner. The room was a fair size, open on the back wall to what looked like a green room. In the center was none other than Dean Winchester, tied to a chair. Looked like he had some cuts and bruises, but nothing deadly. She didn’t hear me come in, but as she held his jaw, forcing him to look at her I watched his eyes flick over to me and back. He smiled

“What are you thinkin hmm?” She asked letting go of him and standing back upright

He looked up at her, arched an eyebrow, then leaned over to the side to look at me and said “you look awful”

She immediately turned around 

I kept my gun trained on her but glared at him “...seriously”

“Well what do we have here” she rested herself on one hip. 

Dean rolled his eyes “that’s my ex” he sounded exasperated

“Reeeeeeally? She’s kinda fat”

I looked at her incredulously “Seriously?! I drop a bunch of weight and  _now_  everybody’s callin me fat?!”

“Heh, no wonder he broke up with you”

“You may wanna remember who’s holidin the gun here Barbie”

I could see Dean working at the ropes on his wrists behind the chair

She laughed “makes no difference to me, you’re not very smart are ya?”

“Well I dunno” I started with a small smile “I like to thi-“

“Nope, she’s sure not” Dean chimed in 

I rolled my eyes, this was getting a little ridiculous

“Ha. Even he says your stupid, and he actually liked you at one point” she continued towards me “I’m a vampire hunny, shooting me won’t do anything”

I smiled “nope, but that will”

I ducked quickly as Dean chopped her head off from behind. He looked down at her

“...bitch” I muttered 

He chuckled “wow, bitter”

I looked up at him “ya, well, you and I are gonna have a little talk when we get outta here, I’m all about distraction but you were a little _too_ agreeable with vampire Barbie”

“vampire Barbie” he laughed “I would totally buy that” he headed back out into the hall “seen Sammy?”

“no, somehow I wound up saving the old man” I replied aggravated, following him

He pressed his back to the wall, holding his gun to his chest, as we came up to a corner then glared at me “watch it princess” then he checked around the corner

“I am” I shot back following him “I’m watchin your ass so you don’t get killed”

“I was doin just fine without you” we carefully returned to the main entrance

I rolled my eyes “oh yes, I forgot, the elder Winchester is immortal and doesn’t need anyone’s help” I mocked

“I don-”

“I could use some help” he was cut off

I turned and saw Sam coming from upstairs, holding his arm

“What happened?” I asked walking over to him and pulling his hand off his arm to assess the damage

“just a little misunderstanding” he chuckled

“alright, come on cowboy, lets go outside” I led him outside and we regrouped with everyone by the cars

Sam sat on the tailgate of one of the guys trunks and Steve handed me a needle, some thread, and some tweezers. I bent the needle into a curve and threaded it before helping Sam get his shirt off. Using the tweezers to hold the needle I began to stitch up his arm.

“So, how’s life?” he asked, tensing

I chuckled “oh ya know, not too bad, how’s life with the elderly?”

“I heard that” Dean called from the other side of the truck

“Well I said it loudly” I called back enunciating

Sam chuckled “he’s not bad, I’ve definitely seen him worse”

“Well he was sure bein an ass inside the house” I mumbled

He frowned “what’d he do?”

“Nothin special, just his usual friendly comments” I sighed “you’re good to go”

“Don’t worry about it” he pulled me into his side “he just doesn’t know how good we’ve got it havin you around”

I looked up at him “are you  _sure_  you two are brothers, it’s just…you’re so nice, and he’s so…not”

Sam chuckled “I’m afraid we are”

“In that case, I’m sorry”

“Always a pleasure to have you around” Dean glared moving to stand next to us, obviously having heard what we were saying

“be nice, she saved your ass today” Sam pointed out

“of course” Dean nodded curtly then bowed down “you’re highness”

I rolled my eyes “I wanna kick him” I turned to Sam, my jaw clenched “can I kick him?”

“you do whatever you want”

“ya fine” Dean started, walking away “but we’re goin to the bar so you’ll have to kick me there”

Sam laughed “come on, I’ll ride with you”

 

 

 

“Ya” I closed the driver door “and then he called me fat!” I walked around the car to head inside with Sam

“Really?”

“well…no” I crossed my arms “but he didn’t disagree with her when she said it”

We sat at a booth together

“Actually, you look smokin” he grinned

I chuckled “thanks Sam”

We sat and talked for a bit, and then he went to join some of the guys around the pool table. 

I sat alone for a while, just relaxing, until Dean approached the table. I glared at him and he put his hands up in defense, a drink in each one

“Relax, I come with a peace offering” he sat across from me, sliding one drink across the table

I looked up at him, but took the drink

He chuckled “look, things might’ve got a little out of hand back there”

“a little?” I replied

“hey now, we both threw some punches” he defended

I sighed “fine”

“you know I love ya princess” he smiled at me

“ya ya” I took a long drink

“besides, on the contrary to what I may have eluded to earlier, you look amazing”

I looked at him skeptically

“what? You do, I’m being serious” he put his drink down “you look hot”

“aaaaand you’re a little drunk” I smirked

“Please, I can hold my liquor better than that”

“Excuse me” a tall girl with dirty blonde hair approached the table “you forgot your change”

“Oh, thanks” Dean smirked as she set down some coins and a receipt on the table before walking away.

Looking down at what she had left I scoffed and rolled my eyes “oh please”

He looked at me questioningly 

“She wrote her number on the receipt” I gestured to the crumpled paper “you don’t even have to try do you? Do all girls just fall at your feet?” I asked with an eye roll

He smirked, picking up the paper “no...you sure didn’t”

I laughed

“I had to work for you” he continued, crumpling the receipt into a ball “that’s part of why I wanted you so bad”

“Oh really, hard to imagine that I made you work for it, cause someone told me earlier that I wasn’t too bright” I smiled, wide eyed

He rolled his eyes “ya, and someone told me I was old”

I looked back at him emotionless “ya, so, that’s just the truth”

He gave me a playful glare

I eyed the crumpled paper “your not gonna call her?” I asked incredulously 

He chuckled “no”

“Wow, are you ok?” I mocked concern “why not?” I chuckled

He set his drink on the table, both hands wrapped around the bottle “why would I when I already have the hottest girl in this place sitting across from me?” He smirked as we locked eyes

“Dean Winchester” I leaned foreword “are you flirting with me?!”

He shrugged and sat back “so what if I was?”

“Well I would probably just tell you that’s a waste of time” his face fell for a fraction of a second “we know each other better than that. I would assume if you wanted to do something you would just ask” I smirked

He leaned in close to my face and spoke in a deep, quiet, tone “wanna get out of here?”

His breath was warm on my face

I looked at him, pausing for a second

“Nah” I sat up

He furrowed his eyebrows

“What? I didn’t say I would agree to what you asked” I stuck my tongue out

He glared and stood up taking the last swallow of his beer, before he squeezed into the booth beside me

“Listen princess” his lips were next to my ear in a flash “you’re right, we do know each other better than that...and that means I know that when you tease me it’s because you probably want the same thing I do” his voice was low and rough

“Is that so?” I asked looking over at him

“Hmm” he softly moved over, pressing me against the wall, trapping me, pushing his side flush with mine “and it also means I know what you like”

A chill ran down my spine

I felt his warm lips on my neck just under my ear

“Mm” a short noise escaped my throat

He continued to kiss my neck as he placed his hand on my thigh and moved it up. 

“Hey guys” Sam and another hunter, Luke, sat down across the table from us

“Hey” I cleared my throat

“Whatcha doin?” Sam asked with a giggle

Dean softly groaned, annoyed, and looked up at him “...you’re drunk” He sat up straight, but didn’t move away from me

“Nahhhh” he smiled

“He totally is” Luke slurred

“Oh great, you’re both drunk” I rolled my eyes

Dean chuckled, his hand hot on my thigh

“Ya...so how  _are_  you?” Sam asked placing his elbows on the table and resting his chin in his hands

“I’m fine” I chuckled “how are you?”

“I...I’m...I’m  _so_  good”

I felt Deans hand slip up my leg under the table

“Well that’s” he finally cupped his hand against my covered center “good” I flinched

“It really is” Luke nodded 

I felt his hand move up my front and lift my shirt slightly

“I just feel like we’re so lucky to have each other, ya know?”

With nimble fingers he slipped his hand inside my jeans and underwear

“Mmm” I groaned and fell forward on my elbows on the table, then nodded “we totally are”

I saw Dean smirk from the corner of my eye

“And what a great brother, how are you Dean?” He asked

Deans eyebrows rose “Fine”

“Ya Dean, how are you?” I asked turning to him, wide eyed

He easily slipped a finger into my wet center then licked his lips and smiled at me “I’m great”

“Ooooh” I moaned and my eyes widened “that’s good, I’m glad” I tried to recover

His finger massaging my insides was making my pussy drip

“I wish  _I_  had a brother like Dean” Luke pouted

Sam turned to him “It’s ok man, we can share”

Dean frowned and I laughed

“Would you move for a second?” I turned to Dean “I have to go to the bathroom”

He smirked “hold on, just wait a minute, Sammy’s talking” he dragged his slick finger over my clit

I bit my lip begging him with my eyes

He leaned in and whispered “don’t cum princess” then sat up straight again “go on Sammy” he turned back to his brother

Sam pause and looked at Dean “thank you man”

Dean smiled

He shook his head slowly and furrowed his eyebrows, thinking “I really love hippos”

Dean slipped two fingers into me, stretching my walls

I groaned and rolled my eyes, trying to hold back all the moans in my throat and fight off the growing feeling in my stomach

“They’re so majestic” he sighed

“Dean” I turned to him “I really  _really_  need to get out of here” I whispered begging

He leaned in to whisper in my ear “where do you wanna go?”

I grabbed his wrist that was down my pants “anywhere we can be alone” I replied through clenched teeth

“Oh” he used his other hand to push some hair over my shoulder “you want me to go with you?!” he asked mocking surprise as he softly brushed his lips over my cheek

“You take me back to your room and I  _promise_  I’ll make it worth your while” I whispered biting his ear

He smirked, pulled his hand from my pants, and stood up

“We have to go” he turned to Sam and Luke, who had still been talking, totally oblivious to what had been going on across the table from them

I stood and he immediately took my hand and pulled me to the door

As soon as we were outside and walking across the parking lot I took his other hand and pulled his two slick fingers into my mouth. 

“Oooh” he groaned chuckling leaning forward as he walked

He swung me around and into his chest pressing his lips to mine

“God I’ve missed you” he groaned when we parted

“Take me to your room” I mumbled against his lips

He grabbed my wrist and dragged me the rest of the way across the parking lot, shoving the key in the door and pulling me inside. Once he closed the door I pinned him against it. His hands were on my ass, pulling my hips against his. He let go for only a moment to pull his button down off his arms and throw it on a chair, but his lips never left mine. 

“Clothes. Too many” I breathed pushing his tshirt up his stomach

Holding my hips he pushed me backwards until my legs hit the edge of the bed, then he pushed me down. I landed on my back and looked up at him as he, in one fluid motion, took the hem of his tshirt in his hand and pulled it up and over his head. He crawled on top of me and looked me in the eye. I wrapped my arms loosely around his neck. 

“No” he took my arm and moved it, placing my hand on his chest “put your hands on me”

I smiled and ran my hands over his chest. He groaned

“Mmm, missed you so much” he sighed resting his forehead on mine, eyes closed

I tilted my face up to capture his lips again, letting my hands wander over his body freely

His skin was covered in goosebumps and, as he snaked his hand under my shirt, mine became the same

Suddenly his lips were gone from mine, but pressed against my stomach as he continued to work my shirt up my body

“Mmm” he sighed, kissing between my breasts

I lifted my shoulders off the bed and he pulled the garment over my head and threw it haphazardly to the side

He stood up and worked on his belt and jeans and I unclasped my bra. 

When he pushed his underwear down his legs his thick cock was rock hard, standing out from his body. I felt my body react to the memory of what it felt like to have him inside me.

Once he was naked he hooked his fingers around the waistband of my jeans and underwear, ripping them down my legs

I reached out for him and he took my hand, placing a wet kiss on my palm, then the inside of my wrist, and up my arm. 

“Dean” I sighed, my eyes rolling back in my head

He stood up straight again and my eyes opened to see what he was doing

He looked down at me, his eyes shamelessly scanning over my body

“...Dean?” I asked softly

His eyebrows were furrowed in thought “stupid” he shook his head slowly “how stupid was I to let you go”

A smile crept onto my face and I stood up “pretty stupid”

He smirked 

“And you’re gonna pay for it”

He lifted an eyebrow questioningly

I smiled seductively and placed my hand on his chest. Standing up on my toes I moved my mouth next to his ear, his hands were quickly on my hips

“You’re gonna do exactly what I say” I whispered, his grip tightened

His fingertips dug into my skin as I pulled back only far enough to crash my lips onto his. We moved back a step or two until he was against the wall. One hand had tangled in my hair, the other on the small of my back, keeping my body flush to his.

I placed my hand on his chest and pushed back

His breathing was uneven and heavy

“So, are you gonna do what I say?”

He smirked “I guess it depends what it is” 

I instantly attacked his neck with wet, open kisses, biting him softly

“Does it?” I mumbled

He shook his head moaning as it rolled back “no...no, whatever you want” he groaned

I bit the nape of his neck gently

“Good, cause I missed you a ridiculous amount, and I plan on getting my fill”

His body tensed at my words

“so don’t you dare cum until I tell you too” I whispered

I didn’t give him a chance to respond, I simply dropped to my knees and wrapped my fingers around the base of his thick cock. 

he moaned quietly

I licked my lips then glided my tongue across his tip

“Fuuuuuck” 

I moaned in response, sucking the head of his cock into my mouth. His fingers were in my hair quickly, urging me on. 

I took my time though, I had meant what I said. I’d never missed someone like I had missed him, and if it was gonna take me all night to get my fill of him then that’s what was going to happen. 

Hollowing my cheeks I let more of his length slide across my tongue and into my mouth. My tongue swirled around his head and his hips bucked forward

I pulled away from him with a pop

“Dammit babe” he opened his eyes and looked down at me

I licked from his base to his tip on the underside of his cock. His biceps bulged

When I took him into my mouth again I shoved him as far down my throat as possible. 

“Ahhh” he moaned

I dug my fingertips into his thighs and bobbed my head, swallowing him into my throat. 

My face was pressed against his pelvis, and my mouth was watering so much that saliva was dripping from the corners of my lips

“Jesus” he placed both hands on my head and bucked against my face

I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter at his actions, my nipples becoming hard at the lack of oxygen in my lungs. 

I pulled off of him, my chin dripping, and took some very needed deep breaths

“Goddammit” he looked down at me, his chest heaving “look at you” he used his thumb to wipe my chin 

I sucked his thumb into my mouth and his eyes rolled back before I returned my lips to around his cock. Immediately I pushed him in to the hilt again, loving his groans and heavy breathing

Up and down, over and over, in and out of my throat. My pussy was dripping, I was sure of it, as I fucked him down my throat

“Fuck” his fingers found my hair again “I won’t last” he huffed, head rolled back “not like this” he pushed his hips against my face “you’re too good”

He pulled my lips off of him, holding my face in his hands. I looked up at him, he was covered in a thin layer of sweat, his head was thrown back, eyes squeezed shut, and he was literally panting. I smiled and turned my head, kissing the inside of his wrist, then stood up. I placed my hands on his shoulders then leaned forward, pressing my body flush to his. His eyes were still shut, and when he put his hands on my hips he gripped me tightly. I could feel his throbbing cock between us, hot and needy. Finally he looked down at me, mouth hanging open still gasping for air. He captured my lips with his and pushed backwards until we were laying on the bed again. Now on top of me he slowly rocked his hips against mine. 

“Mmm” I sighed

“God you’re beautiful” he sighed 

He pushed himself up a bit and snaked his hand between us. 

“Shit” his fingers ran down my slit “you’re so fucking wet baby, you’re practically dripping”

“Mmm” I agreed lacing my fingers into his hair

He leaned down and, as he inserted a finger into my core, he wrapped his lips around my pert nipple

“Ooooh” I arched my back off the bed slightly

Quickly he added a second, and then a third finger inside me 

“Dean”

He groaned “fuck I love it when you say my name”

I bit my lip “Dean, babe, I need you”

He groaned again “shit, whatever you want”

He pulled his fingers from me, wrapped them around his rock hard shaft, and, lining up, pushed into me, slow and steady. 

“Holy fuck Dean” I cried when he buried himself to the hilt “god you feel so good”

He began to move slowly, in long drawn out thrusts. My walls were tugging around him, stretching in the most delicious way. 

“So good” he moaned, picking up his pace

“Mmm, ya baby” I wrapped my legs around his hips, urging him deeper

“Dammit babe, I need to...I’m gonna...please” he struggled

I looked up into his pleading eyes and sighed

“Mmm, you’re so obedient” I smiled, completely turned on by the power he let me have over him

“Come on, I’ll do anything, I’m dyin” his entire body was incredibly hot, tense, and sweaty

I chuckled “I bet you  _would_  do anything for me right now”

He immediately slowed his pace at my words, but continued to pump in and out of me

“Ya, I would” he breathed “now, later, tomorrow, next month...it has nothing to do with the fact that you have me on the edge of cumming harder than I ever have” he kissed my lips softly “for the rest of my life I will do anything to keep you happy, anything to keep you safe, anything to keep you mine”

I bit my lip and smiled

“Dean” I whispered “cum for me baby”

His pupils completely blew at that and he returned to a mind blowing pace. He fucked me harder than I’d ever been fucked, and it felt incredible. 

“Jesus Dean” I gripped his shoulder 

“Shit” he pulled out “fuuuuuuck” he moaned when he slammed back into me as hard as he could, hot ropes of cum pulsing into my core

“Deeeeeean” I cried, my body cumming right along with him. 

My walls clenched around him as he rode out his orgasm, milking him dry. Most of that didn’t register though, I was seeing stars. My vision was completely gone. I reached out and gripped onto him as tight as I could. I felt him squeeze my hip, grounding me, assuring me of his presence as he pushed into me a few more times, deep and slow. 

Finally he collapsed, and my vision began to clear.

“Mmm” I sighed lacing my fingers in his hair

“fuck” he sighed, kissing my neck softly

I smiled, relaxing into the pillow

He wrapped his arm around my waist and rolled onto his side, pulling me flush to him

He kissed me softly, lazy and wet, just happy for us to be connected in some way

“No more fucking around, it’s you and me now ok?” his kissed the top of my head

I nodded my head against his chest and yawned “ya, you and me”


End file.
